The Reason
“Hello.”
“Hi Kev.”
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t know…you’re calling me.”
“Are you crying?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“You sound like you’re under water.”
“I’m fine.”
“Have you talked to mom?”
“No. She doesn’t get home til next week.”
“I’m gonna call Katie and tell her to go to your house. Something is wrong with…”
“NO! I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. You sound horrible.”
“What’s going on?”
“I fell the other day.”
“What?” “Where?”
“In the house.”
“What happened?”
“I was walking out of the bathroom and…couldn’t stand up.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah. I had to call 911.”
“What?”
“I couldn’t get up.”
“What is going on? Did they take you to the hospital?”
“No.”
“No!? Why not?”
“I was fine. I just couldn’t get up.”
“What did they do, just leave you there?”
“They helped me get up. Then I was fine.”
“How long were you on the ground?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do mom or Katie know this happened?”
“No. Don’t tell them. There is nothing to worry about.”
“I’m fine.”
“What’s Larry’s number?” “I’m going to call him to check on you.”
“No! I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine!”
“You sound like shit!”
“Tell me what’s going on!”
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“You sound like you’re under water. What is going on?”
“What else has to happen to you to get you to start taking care of yourself?”
“What’s Larry’s number?”
“I’m fine!”
“I’m calling Katie then.”
“No!”
“She can come over tomorrow. “
“Not tonight.”
“What’s going on dad?”
“Are you there?”
“Dad!?”
“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. What is wrong with you!”
“How much worse do you need to get!”
“I’m gonna have mom make a doctor’s appointment for you as soon as she gets back.”
“Dad?”
“Dad!”
“Are you ignoring me now?”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow Kev.”
“That’s it?”
“You’re done talking?”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
“Do whatever you want.”
“I shouldn’t have waited so long to do something.”
“No shit. Goodbye.”
. . . . . . . . . .
“Hello.”
“Kev…its Mom.”
“Fuck.”
That was the last conversation that I ever had with my father.
In fact, those were the last words that he ever said:
“I shouldn’t have waited so long to do something.”
The morning after my conversation with him neither my mom, who was in London at time, nor my sister could get in contact with my dad. They had the neighbor (Larry) go over to check on him. He found my dad unresponsive on the floor.
Unfortunately for my dad that statement, “I shouldn’t have waited so long to do something,” could have applied to many areas of his life at the time of his death:
his health
his work
his opportunities in life
his relationships
My father was always a “big” guy – he stood about 6”2” and his weight fluctuated between 215lbs – 280lbs.
Everybody liked him – except for one person…
Himself
A few years before he died, he had fallen on ice and hurt his knee. Given that he was not bleeding profusely and a limb hadn’t been severed from his body, HE determined that there was no need to see a doctor. This stubbornness and avoidance persisted, despite the fact that after three months he was still limping severely and his knee was still swollen.
Fast forward almost 10 years and what started as a simple knee injury from slipping on the ice led to:
150+ lbs weight gain
Two failed knee replacements – resulting from lack of follow through on exercise and diet instructions (they were not recommendations because he was so heavy)
An arthritic hip and back
Type II Diabetes
High blood pressure
Cholesterol through the roof
Congestive heart failure
Narcolepsy
Incontinence
Gout
and…
Complete physical disability as a result of a car crash where he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed his car into an overpass.
The car subsequently caught on fire and, if not for an extremely heroic truck driver pulling his unconscious body out, my father would have been turned into a piece of human bacon.
Instead, he ended up with 2nd and 3rd degree burns up and down the right side of his body.
By 2010, the year he died, he could no longer work without complete reliance on a walker, and was basically stuck in the house all day, everyday because he could no longer drive.
He was only 62-years-old and over 350lbs at the time of his death, whose cause was ruled a stroke.
However, the real cause of death was his weight and LACK OF BELIEF in himself and his ability to improve his life.
——-
It has taken me almost three years to get over the guilt that I could have done something to save my father’s life during that last conversation.
I wake up EVERYDAY to those words in my head:
“I shouldn’t have waited so long to do something.”
Days after his death I realized that he was having mini-strokes during our last conversation, which was evident by his random pauses and impaired speech (i.e., sounding like he was under water)…
but I was too angry with him to notice.
We had argued for years about his lack of belief in himself and lack of concern for his health.
For years I attempted to help him “lose weight” with suggestions and plans based on my knowledge of human behavior and nutrition.
He would always appear engaged and willing to change. He would provide me with lip service that he would do what we discussed…
but he never did.
He went on all the diets.
He always lost weight.
He always gained it back.
Often more than he lost.
After each diet, he got a little older and his once strong body, got a little more fragile.
Each year it got worse.
And so did our relationship.
And then he wasn’t here anymore.
————–
As I have experienced the feelings of guilt, sadness, and loss over the past few years the psychologist side of me has consistently asked myself…
How I can turn this awful life experience into something that helps other people?
Initially, the negative feelings clouded my thinking to the point where I thought there was nothing positive that could come of my dad’s sudden death and my lack of ability to potentially prevent it.
In fact there was a period of time where I felt that I didn’t deserve to live given my complete negligence of my father’s condition.
I had all this knowledge of psychology, human behavior, success, and health that had helped improve the lives of thousands of people…
Yet I didn’t help the man who gave me life and raised me.
In my mind, I had failed as a son and a human being…
and I couldn’t bring my father back to make it right.
One day…
Seven months after his death…
As I was sitting on my mom’s couch drowning in the midst of an ocean of depression, self-blame, and self-hate to the point where my chest felt like a 100 lb. sandbag was lying on top of it and my jaw was permanently clenched…
I had the thought…
“It wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t here anymore.”
I’d like to say that was simply a passing thought that came and went quickly like so many other thoughts during the course of the day.
But it wasn’t.
That thought seemed to be poured into cement in my mind…
It stuck there
And began to consume me
It’s all I thought about…
For what seemed like hours.
As the thought continued to intensify…
I began to get scared
and knew I had to do something.
I went on YouTube to search for anything that could distract me from the darkness in my mind.
I just wanted to find something funny.
Anything
I couldn’t remember the last time that I’d laughed.
As “coincidence” would have it – the first suggested video on the home page had some old guy in a suit looking like he was yelling into the camera.
I hit play.
The video began and sure enough, I couldn’t believe I was watching a human or some kind of caricature spoof.
The guy was talking about a serious subject (the mind) but was making references to stories from the early 1900s like they were yesterday and was using crazy voice inflection to the point where at times
HE was YELLing at the camERA then IMMEDIATELY flowing INto a calm whisper.
I started to LAUGH for the first time in months, as I listened to him tell his story.
But I also paid close attention.
For the first time in months I was focusing on something other than my sadness, grief, and guilt.
In the video Bob Proctor described that he was an uneducated and basically useless goon until he was 26 years old when a gentleman gave him the book “Think and Grow Rich.”
As Proctor explained, he began studying the book and has “EV-VER-REE- DAY SINCE!” and began being mentored by the guy who had given him the book.
He explained that he began making money shortly thereafter and ended up making a great deal of money in subsequent years as result.
Here is the point that got me and stuck in my memory:
HE DIDN’T KNOW “WHY” HE CHANGED
Not “Why” in the sense of the tactics he was using to make money (i.e., forming companies).
“Why” in the sense of what had changed within him from his first 26 years of uselessness to the point nine years later where he was as a multi-millionaire.
He explained that he made it his life’s mission to figure out what changed within him and what differentiates “successful” people from those who don’t achieve their dreams.
HE WAS TALKING ABOUT MY FATHER
My dad had “lost weight” many times – only to gain it back. He also had many business opportunities presented to him that he ALWAYS passed on only to frequently then watch others who said “yes” gain financial freedom.
He genuinely wanted to be healthy and financially free, but he was never able to sustain a healthy lifestyle or take action on any business opportunity.
As I pondered those thoughts and Proctor kept yelling…then whispering…then yelling again to the camera with more information…
I realized…
HE WAS ALSO TALKING ABOUT ME
I had always led a healthy lifestyle –
If I ever gained weight, I was able to easily release it while everyone else in my family couldn’t.
I had also had some success in business but things would always level off or fail before I obtained a level of true financial freedom…
And I would have to return to working for someone else in order to pay my bills.
The problem was…
I DIDN’T KNOW WHY
———
For whatever reason, probably his yelling at the camera J, Proctor’s story gave me a sense of calm and a question appeared amidst the dark cloud in my mind:
Why is it that I have never had a problem with maintaining my weight and health, but EVERY other person in my family has?
Then a second question emerged…
Why is it that it’s easy for some people to maintain a healthy lifestyle while others struggle with it their entire lives?
Then a third question…
Why is it that I can help so many people become successful in business, but can’t achieve sustained success myself?
I’ve been studying human behavior and health for over 20 years, but since that day on my mom’s couch, I’ve been focused on getting the answers to those three questions so that I can help as many people as possible learn how to gain financial freedom and a healthy lifestyle.
The personal stories – both mine and those of others – and the lessons that follow answer those questions and provide proven, practical steps to help you to:
Overcome Your Fears
Make Better Decisions
and…
Take Action
In ALL aspects of your life…
NOT just your business.
Most importantly it’s my personal goal to help EVERY PERSON that I meet to better…
Laugh
Love
Feel
and…
Believe
As you will see, the stories, answers, and tasks have everything to do with increasing your SELF-AWARENESS and developing your SELF-IMAGE – the parts of us that control our thoughts and behaviors.
I failed to help my father gain fulfillment in his short life…
and for many years, I wasn’t fulfilled in my own life.
His death has helped me…
Overcome My Fears
Make Better Decisions
and…
Take Action In My Life
It’s my hope that I can do the same for you.
———–
Hopefully, you will find the information helpful to incorporate into your own life, and into the lives of those you love – not only to gain a healthy lifestyle and better quality of life, but also to increase the love and joy in your life and your relationships.
Ultimately it is my goal to make sure that no other person ever says or thinks:
“I shouldn’t have waited so long to do something.”
The ideal time is always now.
Enjoy your experience.
KK
