Good news…

This isn’t rocket science.

I suggest that you try to do each of Five Actions twice per day at the beginning – at scheduled times.

Even the best-intentioned, most motivated people need to schedule changes into their daily routine at the beginning.

Remember, we are well-oiled creatures of habit, who have most likely been practicing the same daily coping skills for as many years as we have been alive.

You know as well as I do that you may wake up planning to implement these new Actions into your day but then a strange thing happens…

Your day begins and everything gets tossed out the window and you are right back to “reacting” rather than taking Action.

Believe me when I tell you, these Actions can have a significant impact on your ability to deal with daily stress if you use them consistently.

I hope you enjoyed this book and gained some knowledge and some simple Actions that you can immediately begin to incorporate into your life.

Always Remember:

Change – no matter how large or small – begins and ends with YOU.

“Music is everybody’s possession. It’s only publishers who think that people own it.”

(John Lennon)

This one is such a no-brainer but hardly anybody does it.

Everyone knows that music works wonders to alleviate stress, but very few of us use it during the course of their day.

In the age of internet radio, mobile devices, and any other piece of technology that plays music it is now possible for us to listen to whatever songs we want wherever and whenever we want.

These days most office settings will allow you to listen to music provided you are wearing headphones.

Music has been shown to help people:

Increase deep breathing

Reduce feelings of tension

Increase body temperature (blood flow)

Decrease feelings of pain

Reduce heart rate

Lower blood pressure

In fact there is a growing field of health care know as Music Therapy, which incorporates music as part of treatment for various conditions (cancer, pain management, depression, heart attack, stroke).

Here is the key – listen to the music that you like at a volume level that is not potentially harmful to your ears.

I say this because many a person I know has run out and bought meditation and relaxation recordings only to find that they produce somewhat adverse effects, which is in keeping with what research studies have shown.

Does that mean that meditation and relaxation recordings are bad?

Absolutely not.

It just illustrates the point that they are not beneficial for someone unfamiliar with them.

Listening to music that you personally enjoy is the key to initiating feelings of relaxation.

In fact research has found that changes in brainwave activity levels that music can bring can also enable the brain to shift speeds more easily on its own as needed.

This means that music can bring lasting benefits to your state of mind, even after you’ve stopped listening.

In my experience the most beneficial use of music is to have it on as much as possible – in your headphones or simply in the background if you are somewhere where others will not be distracted.

The reason being that whether you are aware of it or not, the music is helping you to regulate your feelings of tension throughout the day.

Listening to music that you like has a meditative effect on the hormones and muscles in your body, thereby minimizing your feelings of tension.

Basically, the more often you are listening to music, the more likely that your body is being protected from becoming tense.

I am also an advocate of pumping some tunes during times when you notice that you are distracted, stressed, or overwhelmed.

The only drawback is that using music in this manner will mentally take you out of whatever you are doing.

This is not necessarily a bad thing as sometimes it is best to mentally “check out” of whatever situation or task is causing you stress rather than employing a quick action.

It may be the case that your mind simply needs a break and that is where listening to music is more effective than any other action you can take.

In my opinion we do not have enough music in our daily work lives and this stress-buster should definitely not be simply reserved for the end of the day when we are “winding down.”

It should be used throughout your day as often as possible to help keep you from completely “winding up.”

“You know, it’s not the size of a nose that’s important, it’s what’s IN IT that matters.”

C.D. Bales (Steve Martin) “Roxanne”

Our nose is the first line of defense against all airborne bacteria and the exit through which all the “used” air we breathe leaves our body so that we can take in “fresh” air to keep things like our brain, heart, and lungs going.

However, we spend little to no time focusing on taking care of our nose during the course of our day.

The only time this vital filter gets any significant attention is when it’s either extremely dry or it’s completely stuffed.

Unfortunately, your nose is just like every other part of your body – it needs water.

For the most part your body supplies it with more than enough water and your nose absorbs moisture from the air that it needs during the course of the day.

There are circumstances where this daily “moisturizing” becomes more difficult: allergies, change in weather, taking certain medication, air conditioning, and…drum roll…stress.

Many, if not all of us at one time or another have noticed that when we are feeling stressed, we often have a decrease in saliva and as a result, experience a dry mouth.

What we are also experiencing is a drying in our nasal passage.

This drying often goes unnoticed by us but it serves as one of those small, chronic irritants that occur during the course of the day that, unbeknownst to us, is actually contributing to our feelings of tension and problems with concentration.

There are a number of products on the market to address chronic dry nose:

Neti pots

Saline drops,

and humidifiers…

to name a few.

But as with all the other actions, we are looking for something quick and this is as quick as it gets.

Here is what you do:

Put a little water on each of your index fingers and gently place them on the inside of each of your nostrils.

No, I am not advising you to pick your nose with a wet finger.

There is no insertion here.

Your fingertips are just bringing the water to your nostrils.

You do not need to take some dramatic inhale.

Just let the water settle for a minute then wipe any little drip that occurs.

Obviously, this is the easiest of the actions in this series…

But it is very effective in giving you a quick little moisture pick-me-up, which will actually serve to momentarily wake up your body and clear your mind.

If you find the action of putting your fingers anywhere near your nose to be “dirty” or “gross” keep in mind that your nose is a thousand times cleaner than your mouth or your fingers for that matter.

In the next part we’ll put the music back into you life…

“I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.”

The Dude (Jeff Bridges) “The Big Lebowski”

I’ve wanted to try acupuncture for many years as I’ve read of its efficacy in relieving a number of issues, specifically in my case – anxiety.

The only deterrent that I’ve found in all of the research is needles.

It’s not the pain associated with them – it’s the fact that something is being stuck into my body.

I have tried many ways to get around this issue including calling acupuncture clinics to inquire about acupuncture treatments for relieving phobias of acupuncture needles.

Needless to say those inquiries were often met with a dial tone.

During the course of my research I did discover an approach that provides relief for a great many of our daily stressors (anxiety, emotional issues, chronic pain).

Its called Meridian Tapping.

Its actually quite easy, and more importantly requires…

NO NEEDLES

While I had never heard of Meridian Tapping prior to a few years ago, the healing concepts that it’s based upon have been in practice in Eastern medicine for over 5,000 years.

Like acupuncture and acupressure, Meridian Tapping consists of a set of techniques that utilize the body’s energy meridian points.

You can stimulate these meridian points by tapping on them with your fingertips – literally tapping into your body’s own energy and healing power.

The body, like everything in the universe, is composed of energy.

Restore balance to the body’s energy, and you will mend the negative emotions and physical symptoms that stem from the energy disruption.

Meridian Tapping restores the body’s energy balance and negative emotions are conquered.

A procedure called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) has been developed around Meridian Tapping in order to address a variety of concerns.

It is highly effective and is definitely worth your time researching further.

In total there are nine Meridian Points that are often used with this technique.

The basic technique requires you to focus on the negative emotion at hand:

a fear or anxiety, a bad memory, an unresolved problem, or anything that’s bothering you.

While maintaining your mental focus on this issue, use your fingertips to tap 5-7 times each on 9 of the body’s meridian points.

Tapping on these meridian points – while concentrating on accepting and resolving the negative emotion – will access your body’s energy, restoring it to a balanced state.

However, our focus herein is on “in the moment” fixes that do not take us away from our day.

As a result, we are only going to focus on one Meridian Point.

The Karate Chop

“I thought all of this Meridian Point talk was supposed to relieve my stress, not lead me to Karate Chop someone.”

No violence necessary – all you need to do is the following:

1)  Keep your eyes open.

2)  Start tapping the Karate Chop point of your non-dominant hand with the 
fingertips of your dominant hand [see Karate Chop Point].

3)  Think about whatever is bothering you: feeling anxious, angry, sad, etc.

That’s it.

I suggest using the Karate Chop Point here because its is commonly referred to as the “set-up” point.

Specifically, it alerts the area of the brain called the amygdala (the emotional center of the brain) that it’s time to chill out a bit.

So when you start tapping on the Karate Chop Point while thinking about whatever stressor is bothering you, it is actually decreasing the intensity of that stressor in your brain.

Seems counterintuitive, I know, but it works.

Meridian Tapping and EFT are about relief.

I want to make clear that I highly recommend learning EFT.

EFT can to be used on just about anything in your life that is causing you emotional distress.

The Karate Chop method described herein is simply a quick fix to be employed during the course of your busy day.

It should in no way be substituted for the more detailed and effective EFT procedure.

For those of you skeptics I was completely against even the thought of Eastern Medicine and thought the entire area of study was Foo-Foo nonsense (my technical term).

Then I actually decided to open my mind as I kept hearing about EFT in various circles from a variety of people.

That was just a few years ago and now here I am writing about it – recommending it to everyone.

Enough explanation…

Start tapping.

Then we’ll get to Part 7 to make sure “its not a pick!”

“There is one item of G.I. gear that can be the difference between a live grunt and a dead grunt. Socks. Cushioned sole, O.D. green. Try and keep your feet dry. When we’re out humpin’, I want you boys to remember to change your socks whenever we stop.”

(Lieutenant Dan, “Forrest Gump”)

All of us at one time or another have come home after a long day on our feet or been stuck in heels, tight dress shoes, boots, etc. and all we wanted to do was put our feet up.

Think about how, as soon as you took your shoes off and rested your feet on the couch, chair, or ottoman, your entire body immediately began to relax.

In fact, if you were paying close attention I would bet that your entire body started to relax right after you took your shoes off.

Why does this happen?

Blood flow.

You may notice that once you take your shoes off, your feet start to warm up (along with the rest of your body).

This occurs because the blood vessels in your feet are now allowed to widen, thereby improving blood flow.

As more blood flows to your feet, it provides them with nutrients and oxygen.

Just a side note – that is what the relaxation response is all about – nutrients and oxygen.

Whenever you feel tension in your body you are experiencing restricted blood flow to that particular area.

In essence, you are depriving that area of nutrients and oxygen.

Once the area is relaxed your blood vessels open up and your muscles get “fed” again, which creates the feeling of warmth…

Which in turn increases the feeling of relaxation and the positive relaxation cycle begins.

As your feet are allowed to “breathe” so is your mind.

As a result, it becomes easier for you to focus.

There is a whole area of research and treatment called “foot reflexology” which is based on the principle that there are reflexes in the feet which correspond to every part of the body.

The technique is similar to that of massage but more focused on applying pressure to areas with specific nerve endings rather than muscles.

Initially, I thought that this was a bunch of nonsense designed to sell books and make certain “experts” a lot of money on the seminar circuit.

However, being the research geek that I am, I found that reflexology has been effective as part of treatment for:

Headaches

Migraines

Back Pain

Insomnia

Fatigue

Muscle Tension

Chest Pains

Gastrointestinal Distress (stomach problems)

All of the conditions mentioned above are directly or indirectly related to “negative stress.”

When pressure is applied to specific areas of the feet, the body responds by increasing blood flow to the associated area in the body.

As we know, more blood flow means more oxygen and nutrients, which are vital to healing.

Now I am not suggesting that you run out immediately and get yourself scheduled with a reflexologist.

Remember, the focus here is on simple actions you can take right now that will help you to regain focus and slow things down.

Standing and simply wearing socks and shoes restricts blood flow to your feet.

In most cases this daily, slight restriction does not carry any serious health implications with it, but it does contribute to your feelings of tension throughout the day.

If you don’t believe me, just try it.

If you are wearing shoes and socks right now, just take one shoe and sock off.

If you’re in a public place simply take off one of your shoes and pull your sock away from the top, bottom, and sides of your foot and place that foot on top of its shoe for a few minutes.

Now just concentrate on the difference in feeling between your two feet.

Notice how the foot in the sock and shoe feels stiffer than the “free” foot.

You may even notice some slight throbbing in your “free” foot.

That is the blood pumping in nutrients and oxygen.

You may even be experiencing some feelings of warmth in your toes – a sure sign that blood is getting all the way to its destination.

Take a few moments and just notice what other differences you feel between your feet.

Now why do I suggest changing your socks during the course of the day?

Again, back to blood flow.

If you are in a warm climate or have sweaty feet, your socks get a little damp (from your body heat and /or sweat) during the course of the day.

Initially this causes a warming sensation, but after an hour or so, the damp sock actually serves to further restrict blood flow to your feet because it begins to “stick” to your foot.

No, it doesn’t have some sort of stranglehold around your foot wherein there is no blood flow, but it does create enough tension to restrict blood flow.

The benefits of fresh socks are simple:

1)  Changing socks gives your feet time to “breathe” – even just for 10 seconds.

2)  Fresh socks start the process over again wherein the first hour or so is actually 
beneficial to your feet given the warmth created by the new sock.

3)  At the same time that your feet are getting fed so is your mind, because you have 
given it a break by momentarily changing your focus without changing your context, which is important so that you can easily re-engage in whatever you are doing almost seamlessly.

Believe me, I know how ridiculous this Action may seem at first.

In fact, I actually considered not including it because I was concerned that it might diminish the other Actions.

However, I have seen firsthand the positive effect that this simple Action has had on too many people despite their initial judgments.

I am also aware that there will be many times that you cannot change your socks or may simply choose not to change them out of concern for looking odd.

That is fine as you can easily take your foot out of your shoe and pull your sock away from your foot (top, bottom, and sides).

That is the key – you need to get your sock away from your foot – even if it’s just for a moment – to release its mini-strangle hold.

As hesitant as you may be initially, I suggest that you give it a try.

You’d be surprised at the physical and mental relief this simple action can bring on.

Whether you believe it or not, your feet have a direct impact on your ability to focus.

In Part 6 we’ll Tap Out…stay tuned

I am going to focus on Five Simple Actions that you can easily implement into your daily life that help to slow your mind down and give your body an instant feeling of comfort and alertness.

They can be used at any point and time during the day.

Are these actions the be-all/end-all cure to your experiences of stress and anxiety?

No.

They are, however, actions that will trigger your mind and body to “chill out” in the moment.

Further, once you start using them regularly they will help you to develop a relaxation-cycle that competes with the stress-cycle that you’ve most likely been experiencing for years now.

Basically, what you are doing is training your mind to relax just as you have, inadvertently over the years, trained it to stress.

There is no reason to wait until the end of the day to “wind down” when you can train your mind and body to “wind down” for little periods throughout the day.

So let’s get to it…

Action 1: Relax Your Face

“Are we to paint what’s on the face, what’s inside the face, or what’s behind it?”

(Pablo Picasso)

For many years I was the guy who had a permanent crease in my brow line, just over my eyes.

I can’t tell you how many times people would ask me “what’s wrong” even if I was having a good day.

Other than in our neck and shoulders, tension primarily settles in our face.

Our eyes, brows, temples, cheeks, and jaw line are wonderful stress sponges that suck up all the irritations we incur during the course of the day.

Why should I just focus on learning to relax my face when I am feeling tension during the course of my day, especially if my shoulders and chest are what feel tense?

There is a saying in car racing (and driving in general)…

Where the eyes go, the car will follow.

The same basic idea applies to relaxation…

As the face goes, so goes the body.

As your facial muscles relax and loosen, your body (shoulders, chest, etc.) will follow – almost automatically.

In shrinky-dink (psychotherapist) terms this is referred to as secondary gain.

In this context, it’s good stuff.

So do it.

There are a number of techniques that we can learn and practice to fully address muscle tension in our face and the rest of our body – things like:

Progressive muscle relaxation

Yoga

Lion pose

Eye socket massage

Biofeedback.

There is a mountain of research illustrating the benefits of ALL of the techniques mentioned above and I recommend learning as many of them as possible.

Unfortunately for our purposes here, those techniques do not fit our current criteria because they require:

1)  Time

2)  Scheduling

3)  Training

4)  Other People

Technically, the lion pose does not require any of the four criteria mentioned above.

However, it requires you to stick your tongue out and try to touch your chin with it.

Don’t get me wrong, look this pose up and try it and you will see that it does provide a nice amount of stress relief.

However, my guess is your co-workers, friends, or kids might get a little distracted if you seemingly randomly open your eyes as wide as possible and stick your tongue out for 30 second periods throughout the day.

A lot of the research goes into detail about focusing on specific areas of your face one at a time (i.e. start with your forehead, then move to your eye sockets, then your nose, then your lips, then your cheeks, etc.).

Again, this technique is effective, but we are looking for a quick and efficient way to relax your entire face that will not take much time or concentration and will not interfere with whatever it is you are doing.

Here is what you do…it’s very simple and all centers around your jaw.

First step:  Loosen your jaw muscles and relax your bottom lip. By doing this your mouth will open very slightly. The opening should not even be large enough to fit a finger in it. Other people should not be able to notice anything different by looking at you.

Second step:  Now that your jaw is loose, breathe through your nose. I know this may seem obvious, but your natural reaction to even the slightest opening in your mouth will initially be to breath through your mouth.

Third step:  Focus on your jaw muscles and cheeks feeling “warmer and heavier” Notice how the jaw muscles and cheeks on the right side of your face are feeling warmer and heavier.
Now notice the same feeling on the left side of your face – your jaw muscles and cheeks getting warmer and heavier.

Fourth step:  Keep you jaw loose for at least 30 seconds.

This technique is going to take some practice to get used to.

At first it may feel awkward and your tendency may be to automatically close your mouth and bring back the tension.

I know this seems counterintuitive, but like the rest of your body, the muscles in your face contain what’s called “muscle memory”.

Over time, the muscles in your face have “learned” to feel tense throughout the course of the day.

So when you start to make them relax, their natural reaction is to return to the place that they “remember” – which is being tense.

Don’t worry though, it will not take long for them to “learn” the relaxation response.

Why?

Because when you relax them, they get fed via an increase in blood flow and more nutrients.

Therefore, the more momentary breaks you use to relax your face, the easier it will become and your face will thank you.

When you first start practicing this technique I suggest that you do it at home while you are watching TV, which can serve as background noise similar to that which you encounter throughout your day.

You will find that the “warmer and heavier” your jaw muscles feel, the more it will feel that your mouth is opening.

I have found that this is more a matter of self-consciousness than reality.

I have had many extremely self-conscious people with these concerns keep detailed notes of when they relaxed their faces during the course of the day to see what, if any, responses their “secret exercise” generated from others.

What surprised me was that if a co-worker or a friend did notice a change in the person’s facial expression during the relaxation they did not ridicule the individual as feared.

The majority of people were curious about the exercise and how they could learn it themselves to use during the course of their day.

At the beginning, I would schedule times to perform this action.

I often suggest that people simply do it at the top of every hour.

In an ideal world, that means that during the course of the average work day you will get to perform this action 6-9 times.

In reality it will be more like 3-4 times, which is fine.

The whole goal here is for your facial muscles to learn to relax easily at any time and in any place.

Remember – as the face goes, so goes the body.

1. Loosen your jaw muscles and relax you bottom lip.

2. Breathe through your nose.

3. Notice the feelings of warmth and heaviness in your jaw muscles and cheeks.

Stay tuned for the Second Simple Action coming in Part 4…

Its the best advice that Lieutenant Dan ever gave

“Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.”

(Anton Chekhov)

“So how do we deal with these small, chronic negative stressors that occur each and every day in our lives when it is not realistic at all to think that we can eliminate them?”

We take little breaks from them.

Specifically, we start to use some simple “in the moment” small breaks, which allow our bodies the chance for small periods of recovery from the small but daily negative stress.

These small breaks also greatly increase our ability to regain focus on whatever it is that we are doing at the time.

Over time this process leads to a new pattern of confidence in our ability to deal with various situations, which increases our eustress experiences.

Now, when I say small break I’m not talking about leaving your office, cubicle, or dare I say…meeting.

I’m not talking about going for a snack and switching to an easier or more fun task.

In fact, these small breaks do not involve you changing your physical location or task at all.

They are short/quick techniques that can be employed at any point during the day and DO NOT require:

1) Time

2) Scheduling

3) Training

4) Other People

These skills do not need to be life changing.

They simply need to be effective in terms of giving your mind and body a break from those small, chronic stressors that you are experiencing whether you are aware of them or not.

That being said, having helped thousands of people to incorporate these techniques into their daily routines…

I can say that once you start using these simple techniques regularly in your life they will have an enormous positive effect on your ability to decrease your body and mind’s experience of negative stress.

These techniques have three goals:

1)  To give you a quick mental break without taking you out of your current environment or task

2)  To help your body physically relax.

We all carry unnecessary tension in various areas of our body.

These techniques will not eliminate that tension (sorry), but over time they will help you to notice when you are getting tense and provide you with an “instant” way to decrease that physical tension

3)  Help you to regain mental focus.

I like to think of this as learning to “slow your mind down.”

I would argue that the majority of negative feelings such as: anxiety, fear, sadness, doubt, depression, confusion, and anger are primarily the result of us not effectively slowing our minds down.

Bad things are going to happen to all of us.

Negative stress is a part of all of our daily lives and a plethora of other negative stressors are going to occur in our lives.

What all the courses, books, seminars, etc. boil down to is training people how to slow their minds down.

By doing so, we are not only better able to deal with stressful situations and unpleasant people and events, but we are also able to overcome our own self-doubt and fears and take a more objective look at our individual strengths and individual desires in life.

By learning to slow our minds down, we can quiet that negative inner voice that limits us and, very often, inhibits us from doing what we truly want to do.

This then leads to clearer, more objective thinking, more positive relationships, fewer health concerns, and greater experiences of eustress (positive stress).

Once your mind learns how to slow down, your body will “automatically” experience less feelings of tension.

Over time less feelings of tension lead to less time that your mind is racing and a greater ability to focus…and a new positive cycle develops.

Enough knowledge already. Let’s get to Part 4….

The Actions…

There have been thousands upon thousands of articles, reports, etc. written on the topic of stress, and just as many on dealing with stress.

No doubt there will be thousands and thousands more because this topic is relevant to EVERYONE.

Regardless of where you live, where you work, whether you are single, married, rich or poor, healthy or ill – no matter what your individual circumstances are –

You experience stress and stressors EVERY DAY.

What may come as a surprise to some is that there are actually two types of stress:

Distress (negative stress)

and

Eustress (positive stress).

With “Distress” a difficult situation is one that is completely overwhelming.

You feel as if you are at the mercy of a situation beyond your control.

It seems as if there are no options and no possibilities to change anything.

Over time, this kind of negative stress can cause illness and often includes:

Poor sleep              Decreased production           Decreased creativity

Weight gain           Health problems                      Reduced focus

Slow recall
             Feeling rushed                         Increased daily hassles

Fatigue                   Decreased endurance
            Increased confusion less motivation

Depression
            Restlessness
                            Boredom

Hopelessness
        Irritability
                                 Shortened attention span

Nervousness
         Anxiousness

Not so good, right.

In contrast, with “Eustress” a difficult situation is considered as a positive challenge which needs to be met and which can even be enjoyed.

You are usually highly motivated and concentrated during positive stress.

In these situations, stress is believed to be the energy driving you toward success, and includes:

Quick recall                     Increased energy               Increased attention

Increased control           Increased production        Increased calmness

More fun                         Increased endurance        Increased fulfillment

Increased creativity      Increased confidence        Decreased health problems

Distress gets the majority of the attention because of its negative effects on health.

As a result, a great deal of emphasis has been placed on finding ways for an individual to decrease his/her level of distress.

In contrast, very little emphasis has been placed on exploring how an individual can increase his/her level of eustress.

This is unfortunate because if an individual is experiencing greater feelings of eustress in various situations, he/she will automatically be experiencing decreased feelings of distress.

Translated into English this means is that in any given situation, you cannot be experiencing both positive and negative stress at the same time.

You are experiencing one or the other in terms of how you choose to direct your focus.

So we need to figure out some actions that you can choose to begin to change distress to eustress in a matter of minutes.

Before we get to that let’s briefly take a look back at the definitions of distress and eustress.

You may have noticed that some words in each description were in bold print: feel, seems, considered, believed.

This is because these words all refer to something called Cognitive Appraisal.

This term basically means how we view a situation. It determines whether we experience a situation with positive stress or negative stress.

We all make thousands of appraisals each and every day in each of our interactions and daily to-do’s.

This process has two steps:

1. Determine whether the situation is relevant or irrelevant to you.

If it is relevant, your mind then determines whether the situation is harmful/threatening, or if it is challenging, where there is a strong likelihood of overcoming the situation and even benefiting from it.

2. Determine if you can cope with the situation.

If you determine that a situation is potentially harmful/threatening and that you cannot deal with it – you will experience a great deal of distress.

However, if you determine that you can deal with the given situation – you will experience eustress.

These Cognitive Appraisals are influenced by individual differences such as:

Self-Awareness

Knowledge

Past experiences in similar situations

Attitudes

Emotional states

and biological factors.

This means that everyone appraises situations differently, including everyday stressors like the following:

Obvious: (but by no means an all-inclusive list)

Workload

Employees

Co-workers

Bosses

Traffic

Phone Calls

Finances

Job Security

E-mail

Text Messages

Classes

Tests

Kids

Parents

Boyfriends

Girlfriends

Meetings

Customers

Deadlines

Relatives

Weather

24 Hour News

Travel

Change

And the maybe not-so-obvious: (again, not an all-inclusive list)

The Internet

Information

Smells

Vacation Time

Making Plans

Mistakes

Socializing

Social Media

Food

Pain

Weekends

Television

Gaining Focus

Your Thoughts

Images in Your Head

Blogs

Lighting

To-Do Lists

Making Decisions

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

Accomplishing Goals

Now, some of these stressors may have little-to-no impact on you, but may completely hinder someone else’s ability to focus.

At the same time other stressors may inhibit your ability to focus and cause you feelings of negative stress, while having little negative effect on someone else.

The issue that is shared among all of us is that everyday stressors, when experienced on their own, are not really dangerous to our mental and/or physical health.

The problem with everyday stressors is that they are happening…EVERY DAY.

What happens then has to do with what a bunch of smart people doing lots of scientific studies have termed cognitive overload.

As these smart people do, they came up with a theory for it:

Load Theory

Go ahead and chuckle. I did.

Anyway…

Load Theory states that we only have so much “attention space” at any given time.

Think of your mental capacity as a bucket that can only be loaded to a certain point before it begins to overflow.

Some of the space in the bucket is used up by “Automatic Processes” – the minimum number of mental processes needed to complete a given task or deal with a given situation.

These automatic processes can vary in level depending on the situation.

For example, if someone is giving you directions to a destination in your town, you are most likely going to need very few Automatic Processes to understand the directions and complete the task (i.e. arrive at the destination).

However, if you are in an unfamiliar town and in need of directions, it will likely take a larger number of Automatic Processes (and a GPS system) to get to your destination.

The number of Automatic Processes needed for a given task or situation is based on an individual’s familiarity and prior knowledge of the task or situation.

Think of this in terms of your job. If you take on a new task or project that is similar to something you have done in the past – it is most likely going to be much easier to begin to put together some sort of action plan for the project than it would be if there were no familiar aspects to the project.

These Automatic Processes are not limited to just directions and projects.

They are also related to the primary stressor in all of our lives that I keep mentioning:

People

Take a moment to think about the difference in the “mental energy” you use when you interact with someone who, for the most part, behaves consistently, compared to the “mental energy” you use when you interact with someone with mood swings, inconsistent behavior, or anger problems.

The remainder of space in the bucket is taken up by Controlled Processes.

You guessed it. These are the processes under your control.

They consist of your: behaviors, thoughts, decisions, and perception about a specific situation.

Put simply, if you are confident that we can “deal” with a given situation then these controlled processes do not take up much space and you’re able to maintain focus.

However, as is often the case with your daily stressors, you feel little-to-no sense of control.

As a result, your attempts to control the situation take up a great deal of space in the bucket – leaving you little-to-no space left to focus.

You need to learn how to empty the bucket.

“Can we just get rid of the stressors?”

No.

“Why not?”

Because they are almost always caused in one way or another by people – including, oftentimes, ourselves.

“But how are we the cause of our own stress?”

We forget about ourselves during our busy day.

Work

Deadlines

Kids

Meetings

Phone calls

e-mail

Social media,

Commutes

Conflicts

Gossip

Resolutions

the list goes on…

In the midst of all of this we forget to check in with ourselves and the update on our daily progress.

If this happens once in a while, it’s no big deal and life goes on.

However, it doesn’t happen once in a while.

We forget to take care ourselves during the course of our day just about EVERY DAY.

As a result, the “negative stress” is occurring to some degree or another every day.

It does not have to be any sort of major event.

In fact, it is the small, regular doses of negative stress that significantly contribute to nearly all of the health problems that either directly (e.g. heart disease, stroke) or indirectly (e.g. drinking, smoking) cost our country billions of dollars each year in health care expenses and lead to more negative stress.

And then the cycle continues.

See you in Part 3 to discuss what we can do to change this cycle…

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

                                                            (Leonardo da Vinci)

“Parsimony”

What?

From a scientific perspective, parsimony means that when competing options (theories or solutions) exist that are equal in all aspects…

It’s best to choose the simplest option.

That one word is the guiding principle behind everything I do -

whether its:

Coaching

Consulting

Teaching

Making Decisions

Problem-Solving

Taking Action

whatever.

Now there are all sorts of philosophical and scientific arguments out there exploring the validity of using the concept of parsimony in research and study.

If you’re a research geek like I am, these arguments are somewhat interesting.

I’m going to assume that you couldn’t care less about the arguments surrounding this concept and just want to know how it applies to you.

Basically, it comes down to an age-old principle that I’m guessing that the majority of you have heard of:

K.I.S.S.

This has nothing to do with a bunch of middle-aged men on stage dressed in make-up, leather, and platform shoes.

It is simply an acronym for:

Keep It Simple Stupid.

In theory, this is obvious.

In practice it is much more difficult.

Why?

People

I have talked to thousands of people from all walks of life and in just about every situation where problems exist it is because somewhere along the line –

People made things more difficult that they needed to be.

Those people include me and you.

Here is the bad news -

This isn’t going to change.

In this increasingly competitive world, each of us feels the need to excel in all areas of life in order to be able to survive.

In the process of putting pressure on ourselves to be the best, we often overextend ourselves and our mental and physical resources.

When this happens our “individual stress” often spills into our relationships with family, friends, co-workers, pets, phones…

Pretty much everyone and everything in our lives.

Sound familiar??

If this spillage was just specific to a few people it wouldn’t be a big deal.

However, this pattern has pretty much come to define our society as we know it.

As a result, as long as there is air to breathe and decisions to be made, people are going to make things more difficult than they need to be.

More bad news – we can’t control what other people do.

Here is the good news –

There is one thing that you can control…

YOU

You control your behavior

You control your focus

You control your thoughts

You control your emotions

You control your stress level

This means that no matter what anybody else does or whatever else happens during the course of your day, you have the ability to regain (or maintain) your focus.

You just need to have some tools to choose from “in the moment.”

This series of posts offers Simple Actions that over the years I have found to be most effective in slowing our minds down and subsequently regaining focus in the midst of the chaos and demands of our daily lives.

Now the question that you should be asking yourself is…

Why Listen To Me?

I mean really…

“Who is this Dr. Phil / Anthony Robbins wannabe that I have never heard of who is telling me that I am the cause of and solution to the majority of stress in my life?”

Here’s a little bit about me:

1. I have a PhD in clinical psychology and have been consulting and/or coaching individuals and groups for over 17 years. I have worked with people from all walks of life and socioeconomic status – from homeless individuals on public aid to professional athletes and CEOs.

2. I have personally experienced most, if not all, of the problems that I discuss (e.g. job stress, health concerns, relationship issues, desire for change, fear, helplessness).

3. I am a big research geek. I read just about everything that I can about: neuroscience (the brain), personality, stress, health, human performance and coping.

4. I can’t stand big research geeks because they usually don’t talk like human beings, so only other big research geeks can understand them. And they publish very valuable research in journals that nobody has ever heard of nor will ever read.

This sucks because they have a lot of very useful information that will improve the lives of who learn it.

5. I love being able to organize the big research geeks’ information and present it in human terms to people and then, more importantly, help those people to apply what they have learned to their lives.

So my suggestion is…

The next part of this series focuses on some of the theory and research on stress and your ability to focus.

It is the “why” part of the series.

As I mentioned a second ago, I’m a big research geek…

So knowing “why” I am doing something (and recommending it) is interesting to me and important for me to include before I get to the “what”/”how” sections.

I suggest that rather than skipping over the “why” parts just to get to the actions, instead…

READ EVERY PART OF THE SERIES

I say this because tools are useless if you don’t really know “why” you are learning and using them.

Learning “why” is part of gaining self-awareness, which is the foundation of any true, sustainable change you want to make in your life.

The equation is simple (as the basis for all of my work):

⇑ Self-Awareness ⇒ ⇑ Knowledge ⇒ ⇑ Decision-Making ⇒ ⇑ Action Steps = ⇑ RESULTS

Most people bypass the Self-Awareness aspect of the equation and jump right to the Knowledge part.

DON’T MAKE THIS MISTAKE

Because without increased Self-Awareness…

You won’t be able to sustain any changes that you make.

See you in Part 2…

There are many simple answers:

lack of money

lack of experience

lack of resources.

The reality is that most people go into business having learned a bunch of tactics without any type of true strategy.

What’s the difference?

Strategy provides a framework for action (i.e., why am I doing this?) and is the basic foundation of your business, while tactics define the actions (i.e., what am I doing?) you need to take to fulfill your strategy.

The simplest way to delineate the two is by using the following statement:

“I want to…(ex: be financially free in five years) and I’m going to achieve financial freedom by… (ex: purchasing and renting three single family homes per year).”

The “I want to…” is your strategy and the “I’m going to achieve…by” are your tactics.

Why do I need to know this?

People often use the terms strategy and tactics interchangeably, and that’s where the trouble begins.

A system based on tactics without strategy leads to shooting in the dark—you might get something done, but it doesn’t become sustainable or scalable – providing you with a path to grow revenue – the goal of all businesses.

A system based on strategy without tactics means that you have big thinkers with no means of being able to carry out their ideas.

There Must Be A Relationship Between The Two

These two must work in tandem, without it your business cannot efficiently achieve goals.

If you have strategy without tactics you have big thinkers and no action. If you have tactics without strategy, you have disorder.

Where Do I Start?

Defining your strategy clearly on paper helps you adhere to and retain it.

Implementation is the next important step, and the way to implement a strategy is through tactics.

Every tactic must suit the strategy.

If you can’t explain how a tactic helps you achieve the strategic outcome, then it’s probably not the best choice and needs to be rethought.

Determine the following for EACH aspect of your business:

• An action(s) – steps you need to take achieve your strategic outcome(s)
• A purpose – are your actions helping you to achieve your strategic outcome(s)?       If not, why are you doing them?
• A schedule – when will you get each action completed?
• A measurable result – once completed, how will you define success?

If you put the time and effort in at the beginning of your business to develop the strategies and tactics that will lead you to your goals, you exponentially increase your odds of growing a successful business.